In a desperate attempt to counter falling membership levels, the Liberal Democrats have loosened their membership rules to welcome sexual predators into the party.
One member, known only as “Lord R”, had his membership suspended after incidents of “inadvertently” “encroaching” upon the “personal space” of women in the “party”, but has since apologised, which makes everything OK.
Party leader Nick Clegg said the Liberal Democrats had been forced to take a “long, hard look in the mirror” since these allegations were made last year, omitting to mention that the mirror in question was fastened to the toecap of Lord R’s right boot, and used primarily while standing behind females on escalators.
He said: “It is clear that a number of women in our party felt let down that the party failed to act on their complaints appropriately. However, the Liberal Democrats have long been…
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The Daily Mail reports today that Sainsbury’s branch in central London emptied its kosher food shelf after the manager feared anti-Israeli protesters outside would attack it.
The incident yesterday afternoon happened on the same day anti-Israeli activists ‘wreaked havoc’ at a Birmingham branch of Tesco when a demonstration got out of hand.
The move yesterday sparked online accusations of anti-Semitism despite the Sainsbury family’s well-documented Jewish ancestry dating back as far as the 19th century.
As it seems, British Jewry is attempting to use the food chain as a Matzo Shield against ethical awakening..
Straight after the news that Sainsbury’s has withdrawn all meat products, due to concerns about protesting vegetarians, and vegetables due to fears of upsetting meat eaters, the retail giant has announced they will not stock any Christmas related items in the run up to December 25th.
“It wasn’t an easy decision,” said a spokesperson, “ the run up to Christmas is usually our busiest time, but the majority of our customers aren’t real Christians and we didn’t want them to become upset and start cutting people’s heads off and putting the footage on twitter. That wouldn’t be great publicity, would it?”
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David Cameron has clarified that it’s Tory supporters’ and city bankers’ families will most benefit from any future Government policies.
“I thought it best to make that clear, far enough ahead of the election for other people to forget it.”
Hundreds of thousands of households are causing a serious drain on public resources with ‘off the barometer’ dysfunctional behaviour, says Cameron.
The PM today announced a significant amendments to the Troubled Families programme, initially set up to help 120,000 seriously troubled families.
“We found money raised by hard-working taxpayers was propping up lazy, feckless idiots who were never going to vote Conservative anyway, however much we gave them. We’re now cutting out all that stuff.”
According to respected social commentator, Richard Littlejohn,
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The British government is facing unprecedented legal action over its continued arms sale to Israel in the wake of the recent deadly Israeli aggression against the Gaza Strip.
British law firm, Leigh Day, representing the Campaign Against Arms Trade (CAAT), said Saturday that it has written to Business Secretary Vince Cable, calling for the immediate suspension of arms export licenses to Israel.
The law firm said the UK government’s failure to suspend the licenses is illegal, adding that it has been instructed to seek a High Court judicial review of the administration’s reluctance to halt the arms sales to Israel.
A recent report by the British parliamentary committee for arms export controls showed that Israel received around £8 billion in the form of 400 arms licenses from the UK in 2013.
Leigh Day further said there is a risk that British-made weapons may have…
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